Change

I have great news!!  The condo is sold!  The paperwork is signed and the keys are handed over.  Yay!  That was a big hurdle to get over.  Also, while working with various health specialists I have managed to get my headaches down to about 10% of the pain and it only lasts short periods.  So I am extremely relieved to be out of the majority of my pain.  I didn’t appreciate being pain free until I wasn’t.  Now I am thankful every moment I don’t have a headache.  Perspective is pretty amazing.  So now what?  I still have a few more logistics to sort out before I can really and truly launch into whatever it is I am going to do next.  I have some ideas but nothing really solid yet.  I am looking forward to find out so I can tell you and start the next leg of my adventure!  

In the meantime I am finding inspiration right here in Sacramento.  The fall leaves are a reminder that change and even death are a natural part of the cycle and that nothing ever goes away completely, just like the leaves that are turning will fall to the ground and become part of the tree once again.  Everything we experience becomes part of our life.  So when things are confusing or not going our way, sometimes we need to let ideas or circumstances “die” in our lives so that they may be transformed into the next season for us. But the path isn’t always straight.  Sometimes it takes us to unexpected places.  If you can keep the faith and an open mind, you might discover something even better than what you were looking for.  

Should We Cry Over Spilled Milk?

I don’t know about you, but I quit crying (for the most part) a long time ago.  It seems not the proper thing to do in our society.  What do we do when children cry?  Get them to stop.  I know I’m not the only child who heard ”if you don’t stop crying I’m going to give you something to cry about!”  (Admittedly, not the healthiest or most supportive of responses.  I come from the era where parents took their children into public restrooms to spank them).  Later as a teenager, my outbursts were frowned upon and I was told that I was being unreasonable and overreacting.  And in martial arts, you don’t show weakness or pain, and crying?  Out of the question.  You. just. don’t.  As a single woman who lives alone I don’t bother to cry because who would hear me?  And it doesn’t change anything.  Or so I thought.  As I have been suffering these migraines, I have discovered an interesting thing.  I have been trying to get more in touch with my emotions, which are buried so deep I don’t even know where to begin to look for them.  In that process I have been allowing myself to cry.  And there have been a couple of instances where the crying has actually reduced the pain a little bit.  When I tell this to my well adjusted friends who know me they laugh and say of course!  That’s the point of crying!  But you have to understand how foreign this is to me.  Even though I am grudgingly accepting the idea that crying is healthy, it’s hard for me to do it.  And it’s been so long I fear I will burst.    

A good update: I haven't had a real migraine since Tuesday which is such a relief!  Still having some headaches but it appears that the work I am doing with the various healers I am working with is making a difference.  I am hopeful that it will get better and better!  

I would love to hear your reactions and/or thoughts on how you handle pain or grief.  

What lies between the question and the answer?

Have you ever faced a change or project so huge you can’t even begin to imagine how you will get through it?  Or a circumstance that seems impossible, you can’t imagine what lies on the other side?  How do you cope?  How do you deal with fear and uncertainty?  

Here’s what I do.  Focus on the step in front of you.  You don’t need to know the final answer, just do what you can now to take one step closer to your goal.  If your goal is eating healthier, replace one unhealthy food with one healthy food per week.  If your goal is to clean up the house, clear one small space and maintain it.  When you are able to successfully maintain that space, clear one more small space and maintain both spaces, and so on.  If your goal is to network for a better job or grow your business, connect with one new contact at a time.  Put your intentions out there and nourish them, but also be patient.  There is a space between the question and the answer.  This is where faith lies.  Don’t stop working, but do allow the fruits of your labor time to grow.  

Sometimes in between the question and the answer, especially where there is fear or suffering, it is hard to keep faith.  I don’t mean faith in God necessarily, although it can be if that’s what you believe.  I refer to faith as the knowing that the answer will come as long as you keep searching for it.  And the patience to be calm while you are waiting.  

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." 

-Confucius

Unexpected Changes

I’m back in Sacramento again, taking a break from my road trip and trying to get this condo wrapped up.  It’s taking longer than I originally hoped but we are making progress.  Real estate has changed since the last time I bought and sold.  It’s much more complicated now after the events of the last few years.  So I moved back into my condo for the time being.  No furniture, just my luggage and my trusty air mattress.  It’s strange to be back in the place I thought I would never see again.  Not bad, just strange.  And I hadn’t planned on being here in winter so I had to go to my storage unit and dig out a few of my winter clothes!  But I am taking advantage of the stability and familiarity that I lacked when road tripping.  I have noticed a shift in my thinking.  Before, I would get stressed out if I didn’t have a plan and know (or think I knew) what was going to happen.  Now I find that trying to plan stresses me out because of all the unknowns.  Until I wrap up the condo, I don’t know where I am going to go because things change quickly.  Where I might go today might be different than where I will go a month or two from now.  And some of the places I am interested in have not responded to my communications.  In the meantime, some new opportunities have arisen that I did not expect.  It’s constantly changing.  So I will wait until the time is right to make the decision.  In my travels, talking to various folk, I have gotten some new ideas as well.  We shall see if those are still feasible when the time comes.  Until then, I will enjoy Sacramento and take advantage of my extended time here.