Horse Therapy

At least a year ago, I read an article on equine therapy in an Oprah magazine.  It was so fascinating, I decided I wanted to try it someday.  I did some looking around but I didn’t find anything in Sacramento so I just put my desire out to the universe and figured I’d find it when it was time.  Interestingly enough, it was the migraines that forced me onto psychology.com to look for a therapist.  I was doing anything and everything I could think of to ease the pain.  In my search, I found a provider that offered equine therapy!  I couldn’t believe it!  So I sent an inquiry and soon began to experience my dream come true, working with horses on an emotional and spiritual level, not just riding them (although that’s fun too).    I have been going about once a week for about a month now, and it is everything I had hoped for.  

I meet with two therapists who work as a team, out in an arena with (I think) eight horses.  They are smaller than the trail horses I have ridden, although not ponies.  The first day I walked into the arena most of the horses immediately came over to check me out.  Just standing there and petting them and seeing all their different personalities was so cool!  I burst into tears of gratitude.  In the weeks that have followed, the therapists usually have an exercise for me like setting up barrels in a certain configuration and walking the horses in patterns.  It’s kind of like a live biofeedback program.  Horses sense energy, and they are too big for me to move by force, so I have to learn how to communicate with them to convince them to do what I am asking for.  To do that, I have to reach down inside and pay attention to what I am feeling.  And they all respond differently.  I was doing really well with one horse who is pretty easygoing and seems to like verbal praise.  Then the therapists upped the ante and put me with a stubborn horse.  This horse wasn’t interested in sweet talk, he wanted a leader.  So we didn’t budge until I figured out how to exude leadership with my energy, not my words.  Through all this, the therapists are asking me questions and learning about my background and zeroing in on my emotional issues.  They are quite good at their job and observe and point out things that I would never have thought of.  I am going to get in as many sessions as I can before I leave for Bali.  

For those of you who don’t know, I am a big advocate for therapy.  We get physical checkups all the time but rarely do we go inside our heads to see what’s ticking.  I have found that many of my health issues are psychosomatic, or caused by stress, and once I resolve whatever is going on in my head, my health improves dramatically.  Of course eating right and exercising and all that are vitally important, but I think mental health is as well.  So I am very open about the fact that when I don’t feel right, I get help from someone who is objective and can point out my mental blind spots.  And in case you were wondering, therapy is covered by most major medical insurance programs, so it’s not even expensive.  You can pay a co-pay just like you would if you were going to the doctor.  If you have any questions or comments I would love to hear them!  

Perspective

This week was Thanksgiving.  Of course this brings up all that we are thankful for.  But why are we thankful?  I have found that perspective plays a big role in how we view things.  A few years ago, I was up all night with an excruciating toothache.  I was to get a root canal in a day or so but in the meantime my head was on fire.  So at 3am I got up, crying from pain and frustration, put on my coat and set out for a 24 hour Rite Aid.  This was in December and it was extremely cold for Sacramento.  I got in the car and drove out of the parking garage to the street entrance when I saw something in the visitor parking.  It was a bundle of blankets, a person sleeping there in the bitter cold.  At that moment I had an epiphany: I may be in pain but I am going to drive in my nice car to a 24 hour store, buy all the toothache remedies I can find with my money that I have plenty of, drive back home to my nice house and crawl under the covers, safe and warm.  And in a day or two I will get a root canal which I can afford to pay for, and everything will be fine.  And this person has to sleep in the bitter cold in a parking garage.  Perspective.  

Change

I have great news!!  The condo is sold!  The paperwork is signed and the keys are handed over.  Yay!  That was a big hurdle to get over.  Also, while working with various health specialists I have managed to get my headaches down to about 10% of the pain and it only lasts short periods.  So I am extremely relieved to be out of the majority of my pain.  I didn’t appreciate being pain free until I wasn’t.  Now I am thankful every moment I don’t have a headache.  Perspective is pretty amazing.  So now what?  I still have a few more logistics to sort out before I can really and truly launch into whatever it is I am going to do next.  I have some ideas but nothing really solid yet.  I am looking forward to find out so I can tell you and start the next leg of my adventure!  

In the meantime I am finding inspiration right here in Sacramento.  The fall leaves are a reminder that change and even death are a natural part of the cycle and that nothing ever goes away completely, just like the leaves that are turning will fall to the ground and become part of the tree once again.  Everything we experience becomes part of our life.  So when things are confusing or not going our way, sometimes we need to let ideas or circumstances “die” in our lives so that they may be transformed into the next season for us. But the path isn’t always straight.  Sometimes it takes us to unexpected places.  If you can keep the faith and an open mind, you might discover something even better than what you were looking for.  

Should We Cry Over Spilled Milk?

I don’t know about you, but I quit crying (for the most part) a long time ago.  It seems not the proper thing to do in our society.  What do we do when children cry?  Get them to stop.  I know I’m not the only child who heard ”if you don’t stop crying I’m going to give you something to cry about!”  (Admittedly, not the healthiest or most supportive of responses.  I come from the era where parents took their children into public restrooms to spank them).  Later as a teenager, my outbursts were frowned upon and I was told that I was being unreasonable and overreacting.  And in martial arts, you don’t show weakness or pain, and crying?  Out of the question.  You. just. don’t.  As a single woman who lives alone I don’t bother to cry because who would hear me?  And it doesn’t change anything.  Or so I thought.  As I have been suffering these migraines, I have discovered an interesting thing.  I have been trying to get more in touch with my emotions, which are buried so deep I don’t even know where to begin to look for them.  In that process I have been allowing myself to cry.  And there have been a couple of instances where the crying has actually reduced the pain a little bit.  When I tell this to my well adjusted friends who know me they laugh and say of course!  That’s the point of crying!  But you have to understand how foreign this is to me.  Even though I am grudgingly accepting the idea that crying is healthy, it’s hard for me to do it.  And it’s been so long I fear I will burst.    

A good update: I haven't had a real migraine since Tuesday which is such a relief!  Still having some headaches but it appears that the work I am doing with the various healers I am working with is making a difference.  I am hopeful that it will get better and better!  

I would love to hear your reactions and/or thoughts on how you handle pain or grief.  

What lies between the question and the answer?

Have you ever faced a change or project so huge you can’t even begin to imagine how you will get through it?  Or a circumstance that seems impossible, you can’t imagine what lies on the other side?  How do you cope?  How do you deal with fear and uncertainty?  

Here’s what I do.  Focus on the step in front of you.  You don’t need to know the final answer, just do what you can now to take one step closer to your goal.  If your goal is eating healthier, replace one unhealthy food with one healthy food per week.  If your goal is to clean up the house, clear one small space and maintain it.  When you are able to successfully maintain that space, clear one more small space and maintain both spaces, and so on.  If your goal is to network for a better job or grow your business, connect with one new contact at a time.  Put your intentions out there and nourish them, but also be patient.  There is a space between the question and the answer.  This is where faith lies.  Don’t stop working, but do allow the fruits of your labor time to grow.  

Sometimes in between the question and the answer, especially where there is fear or suffering, it is hard to keep faith.  I don’t mean faith in God necessarily, although it can be if that’s what you believe.  I refer to faith as the knowing that the answer will come as long as you keep searching for it.  And the patience to be calm while you are waiting.  

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." 

-Confucius

Unexpected Changes

I’m back in Sacramento again, taking a break from my road trip and trying to get this condo wrapped up.  It’s taking longer than I originally hoped but we are making progress.  Real estate has changed since the last time I bought and sold.  It’s much more complicated now after the events of the last few years.  So I moved back into my condo for the time being.  No furniture, just my luggage and my trusty air mattress.  It’s strange to be back in the place I thought I would never see again.  Not bad, just strange.  And I hadn’t planned on being here in winter so I had to go to my storage unit and dig out a few of my winter clothes!  But I am taking advantage of the stability and familiarity that I lacked when road tripping.  I have noticed a shift in my thinking.  Before, I would get stressed out if I didn’t have a plan and know (or think I knew) what was going to happen.  Now I find that trying to plan stresses me out because of all the unknowns.  Until I wrap up the condo, I don’t know where I am going to go because things change quickly.  Where I might go today might be different than where I will go a month or two from now.  And some of the places I am interested in have not responded to my communications.  In the meantime, some new opportunities have arisen that I did not expect.  It’s constantly changing.  So I will wait until the time is right to make the decision.  In my travels, talking to various folk, I have gotten some new ideas as well.  We shall see if those are still feasible when the time comes.  Until then, I will enjoy Sacramento and take advantage of my extended time here.  

Travel Tips

This week I’m back in Sacramento catching up on some business.  I may have a buyer for the condo, keep your fingers crossed that this one goes through!  In the meantime, I have been able to test out my packing strategy and I have to say, living out of a backpack is easier than I thought!  My clothes don’t take up nearly as much room as I thought they would and I have picked up some good tips along the way.  I made a video of what I am keeping in my main suitcase.  There have been some changes; each time I go somewhere I repack and make little tweaks.  The idea is that my purse and day pack always stay with me and the suitcase can get checked if it needs to although it is the smallest standard carryon size for all the airlines (I checked).  There are a couple of great ideas I have picked up along the way.  Instead of a towel, pack a sarong.  They take up way less space and can double as a sheet or a skirt or wrap.. the possibilities are endless.  Also I was watching a video on tiny living and the lady in the video doesn’t have pillows; she stores fabric in her pillowcases because she likes to sew.  But you could store just about anything soft in a pillowcase; extra blankets, winter clothes, linens.  What a great idea!  I may never buy pillows again!  The food thing is still tricky.  I am learning how to pack things that will keep and that I can eat as is and that are healthy.  Fruit is working out really well, as well as granola bars.  

San Francisco: An Experiment in Tiny Living

This week I was in the neighborhood so I decided to give myself a break and book four days (instead of two) in a hostel in San Francisco.  I have been doing two days because that gives me one day to rest and check out my new surroundings and by that time I’m usually ready to move on.  But I’m here in this hostel and I’m not going anywhere for three more days so that means I have to adapt to living here a little more.  

Even though this isn’t a farm or even close to green living, it is a fascinating experiment in tiny living.  I have been living out of my car more or less which is actually a huge space if you think about it.  I can keep all sorts of unnecessary stuff in there.  Now my car is parked two blocks away in a sketchy parking garage so I don’t really want to go there very often to retrieve things.  So it’s just me and my backpack.  All I have now is a bunk bed and a locker.  So everything valuable goes in the locker and my main bag with clothes etc gets stowed under the bed.  That’s it.  There is a communal kitchen where we can store food but that’s only open certain hours of the day.  And the showers are communal so you have to carry any shower stuff with you and back to your room.  No leaving anything out - it will get thrown away.  

This whole experience has been really interesting.  Every place I go has different rules and logistics so I am constantly adapting my lifestyle to fit my environment.  I am really finding out what I use and what I don’t and how to be creative with my storage.  One new thing I have been doing is carrying my own tupperware in my purse so that when I eat out I can take the leftovers with me in a spill proof container.  I started doing this after I had a salad that leaked dressing all over the inside of my bag!  

I have no clue where I am headed next.  I have put some feelers out but no responses yet.  So until next time, here's a video tour of the hostel and have a great week! 

Two Days In A Yurt

I’m sitting here in this yurt, marveling at the fact that I am sleeping in a yurt!  Definitely a bucket list thing. And even better, when I booked this place on airbnb, I had no idea it was connected to a whole retreat center called the Isis Oasis, which is a beautiful piece of property dedicated to the Goddess Isis.  There are lots of little meditation spots moulded into the landscaping and a wide variety of exotic birds as well as a bobcat and an alpaca.  Very cool.  I would definitely recommend it if you want a different experience and are hippie friendly.  Here's a link to a video I made of my first moments in the yurt.  It's really dark and fuzzy because the yurt was really dark and I didn't have much lighting.  So it's pretty realistic.  Enjoy!  

As I go from place to place, I am learning about myself and learning how to travel light, what I thought I would need vs. what I am actually using.  Here’s what I have learned so far.  

I like to be connected.  That means a cell phone signal at the least and wifi if possible.  Not only is it important for my online business but I feel safer being able to connect with my friends and family and letting them know where I am and how I am doing.  Also, having a computer in this day and age makes travel so easy!  I can find an airbnb in my area and send a request in minutes.  And when I put the laptop away, I can still continue to make arrangements on my phone, as long as I can get a cell signal.  Amazing!  So that means wherever I go I don’t want to to be too remote.  I want to be close by some sort of civilization where I can plug into the community and give and receive support.  Also, I don’t want to be too rustic.  I like a structure to stay in with some sort of bathroom facilities.  I don’t need a lot of space, but I don’t like having to go to the bathroom outside in the rain like I did last night.  It wasn’t terrible, but an inside bathroom facility of some sort is going on my wish list. 

Flashlights have become my new best friend.  Most places don’t think to put a nightlight or any kind of lighting near the bed where you can reach it.  So my options are either to sleep with the lights on, which I have no problem doing but I feel bad wasting the power, or stumble around in the dark.  So I carry two flashlights with extra batteries.  Why two flashlights?  If/when one goes out and I’m in pitch black, how am I going to change the batteries?  That thought occurred to me last night as I was walking back to the yurt.  So I put an extra flashlight in my purse.  

Ziplock bags are also my new best friend.  There are so many uses for them I can’t even begin to list them here.  Especially out in the boonies where there are lots of critters, I keep all my food sealed in ziplock bags.  And when my soap and shampoo are wet from the shower but I have to pack and leave, ziplock bags keep the rest of my stuff dry as well as contain any liquid explosions in transit.  

Speaking of food, that has been an eye opener for me.  A little background: I’ve always had issues with food.  My mom told me that even as an infant I didn’t like to eat.  The same mom that I was taken from because, according to what I was told, authorities reported no food in the house.  This led to extreme pickiness as a child, hormone issues that caused me to be really scrawny until the doctors decided to give me hormone shots which shot me to the unfortunate position of now being overweight.  I still don’t like eating but unlike alcohol and drugs, which I can avoid all together, I have to eat.  When I was in my condo, I was exploring farmer’s markets, learning to appreciate veggies and how to cook healthier.  A huge part of my goals for this journey of exploring new lifestyles and getting back to nature is getting healthier.  Some of that I have been able to do.  I am happy to report that I have been eating more greens on this trip than I usually do.  I haven’t been drinking soda at all and a lot less coffee, mostly because it’s not always available.  So that’s a good thing. But I have discovered an insecurity about food that I didn’t know I had.  Even though I have plenty of food packed and easy access to food, I worry about not having food when I am hungry.  This has led me to (a couple of times) overeat because I didn’t have access to a refrigerator for the leftovers, and be less clear about whether I am actually hungry or just worried that I won’t be able to eat later.  Very strange and new for me.  So I am learning how to pack food that I can eat as is, wherever I am, that is healthy and keeps well.  It’s all a journey and I am learning new things about myself and challenging myself to observe, change and grow.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way!

The yurt

My view from inside the yurt

One of the many gorgeous meditation spots at the Isis Oasis

The alpaca looking out on a beautiful morning

Sometimes in the middle of a disaster, you find just what you’re looking for.

So, after my first goat farm fail, I resolved to vet potential hosts more carefully.  I tried again and connected with a goat farmer in the Coloma area.  I told him upfront that I am not fit enough for construction or heavy outdoor labor but that I still believe I can bring value to a potential host.  He seemed really laid back and said he wasn’t that picky and would be happy to have me.  So Thursday I drove off to goat farm #2. 

The drive there was spectacular!  The weather was perfect and the views were amazing!  The road was a little treacherous with almost no shoulder, no guardrails and a straight drop off a cliff.  Yikes!  But I took it slow and enjoyed the view and before I knew it, I was there.  

I met my host and he was polite and personable.  I started helping out in the cheese making facility and it was really fun!  However, it quickly went downhill.  I don’t want to write too many details because a lot of the issues I ran into were of a personal nature and I don’t want to put anything out on the internet that could hurt someone, but suffice it to say, it went from bad to worse quickly.  It was really bad, so much so that I was in shock, shaking, and exhausted from everything that happened.  Just like the last farm, I did have one cool experience, I got to help milk 50 goats!  That was quite a learning experience and one I really wanted to have.  But in the end, it was too much so once again I bugged out the next morning.  

As I sat over breakfast and reflected, I felt like such a failure.  Three bookings in a row turned out to be disasters.  What was wrong with me?  I have traveled before, booked lots of trips and I thought I was pretty good at making decisions.  I doubted myself.  Should I have stuck it out?  Am I just weak?  But I look back at my life and I don’t think so.  I can handle tough stuff, I just don’t stick around when I don’t need to and in these cases, I think it was the right decision to leave.  

Not having anywhere to stay for the night, I found a really cheap airbnb listing nearby in Pollock Pines at a yoga studio.  Bohemian Chamber, they called it.  I was intrigued, so I booked it.  I told the host of my goat disaster and she said “come on over!”  When I got there, I nearly cried at the room.  It was so cute!  It was very simple but beautifully decorated with yoga-esque decor and sweet little touches like a basket of fresh towels, soap, and candles.  I fell on the bed and just laid there for awhile.  As I settled in, this host was kind enough to let me have dinner with her family.  They were very nice and it was a lovely evening.  I felt my body begin to relax and let my guard down.  So this is my second day here at the yoga studio.  It’s called The Medicine House and it’s a yoga studio/cafe/massage/lodge.  They are still under construction but it is coming along nicely and I can really see that it is going to be cool once it’s finished!  The owner, Lisa, has a great vision and sense of style.  We got along great!  Here’s their Facebook page if you want to check them out:

https://www.facebook.com/TheMedicineHouseYogaStudioAndLodge/timeline

So, what I learned from all this is that sometimes you find what you’re looking for in a different place than you expect to.  I went to the goat farm looking for a great experience and in my desperation to get out of there booked this place and found some really amazing people that I connected with and am having a wonderful time!  It’s good to plan but also be aware, keep your intuition up, and be able to change your plans if you need to.  Always have backups, resources, and a Plan B.  

I’m going to take a break from WWOOFing, I’m not sure if it’s the right program for me.  I have booked another little airbnb cottage for the next couple of days so I’m just going to go there and do some more relaxing and catching up on business.  

My beautiful room at the yoga lounge!

#goatfail

As you read in my last post on Sunday I triumphantly rode off to the goat farm full of excitement and possibility. 

Sunday was really fun!  I got to meet the goats (and the cows and the dog), tour the farm, take a hair raising ride on the back of an ATV, and have a delicious dinner with my hosts with ham from a pig they raised themselves. 

Monday morning was a different story.  Without going into too many details, I began to see more and more signs that the host and I were not a good fit.  I think we had different expectations of each other and from my perspective, I didn’t feel comfortable there.  He told stories about how awful all the previous guests were, and said a lot of things that made me feel like I was not safe there, like if something bad happened I should just “handle it,” which I can do, but I would expect my host to have my safety in mind and give me some general guidelines. Apparently not. There were other issues too that I won’t spell out here. 

At the end of the first day I resolved to try again but waking up that second morning I was dreading going out there.  A couple of hours into the day I realized that it was not my imagination and my intuition was telling me to get out before something happened.  My host had said several times it’s not for everyone and told me I could leave at any time.  So I shook his hand and said “I’m going to take you up on your offer” and came back to Sacramento.  Here are some of my takeaways from this short adventure.

It was an adventure and I don’t feel like a failure because I went out of my comfort zone and tried something new.  And I had the wisdom to leave when I wasn’t being treated well when in the past I would have stayed past the point of stupidity and maybe gotten myself hurt.

There were some good moments.  I found out that goats can be extremely affectionate so I will definitely consider raising some in the future.  I did get to assist with a minor surgical procedure which was really cool.   

This experience has really made me do a lot of thinking and given me a new perspective on many aspects of my life.  When something isn’t going the way I want it to, it makes me reflect a lot and reevaluate my decisions, how I got there, and how I can do better next time.  I have sent out a couple more email inquiries into WWOOF programs, but this time I am being much more upfront about my expectations and limitations and I will vet them more carefully.  Also, I am looking into other options that are more in line with my preferences.  I will keep you posted!

Goat Ranch: Day 1

Hi all! I have made it safely to the goat ranch and I have some down time before the work begins so I figured I'd better write this now. It was a nice, scenic drive up here, not too far from Sacramento.  I'm in a place called Mount Aukum, which is close to Plymouth.  I'm excited because this is the first official trip of my new life!! I'm a little nervous because I am out of shape so I hope I can keep up with the work.  I got to go play with the goats a little bit this afternoon.  They are really sweet; well, let me clarify. The females and the babies are sweet.  I was told to stay away from the big males because they are aggressive.  But they didn't seem all that interested in getting too close so hopefully we can maintain our mutual agreement; I'll leave you alone and you leave me alone.  But the females and the young'uns came right up to me and starting rubbing their heads all over my shoulders and arms.  The man I am working with had a baby goat in his arms and he flipped it over on its back and held it like an infant.  It was pretty cute.  There are two bull calves and two horses here as well.  I went to say hi to the horses.  The big blond one seems to be the diva, she kept nudging me to pet her.  I thought she was an attention hog but the other one didn't seem all that interested so I guess they have a system.  Beautiful.  So those are my initial thoughts, having been here all of two hours.  I'm sure I'm going to learn a ton here.  Until next time!

First Destination Booked!

So you all have been asking me where I am going to go first and I didn’t have an answer… until now.  Until the condo sells I don’t want to go too far, so I looked into WWOOF farms close to home, and there are a lot of them!  So I have booked two weeks at the Bell Ranch in Mount Aukum, CA, where I will learn all about the care and feeding of goats.  

A little background: I have always loved animals.  I cannot remember a time when I didn’t have at least some form of animal companions in my life.  When I was a kid I would tear out the animal pictures from National Geographic and tape them up on my wall.  I was raised by my grandparents in a semi-country setting where we always had dogs and cats and around the neighborhood there were chickens, geese, horses, to name a few.  We also lived on the edge of Ancil Hoffman Park so we had turkeys, deer, and even the occasional coyote wander through our yard.  When I was 12 I spent the summer at a friend’s horse ranch and when I was in highschool I volunteered at the Effie Yeaw Nature Center cleaning out all the cages from the turtles to the finches to the hawk, and I even got to take the owl for a walk once.  So, my fascination with animals goes back a long way.  As much as I have enjoyed city living these past eight years, I have felt the draw more and more to return to nature, which is part of why I am making this life change.  

According to the website, I will be helping with all aspects of goat care from cleaning and feeding to more hands on care.  They also mention a class on how to make various food products from goat milk, which I am very interested in learning.  Part of my reason for doing this, aside from the fact I think it will be fun, is that if I do end up landing somewhere and living partially or fully off grid, goats are something I am considering keeping.  So I want to learn about them to see if my perceptions are accurate or not.  

I will be leaving on Sunday the 28th which is next week!  I can’t wait!

*Right after I booked this trip, someone from BodyTribe brought a goat to the gym.  What are the odds of that?  This picture is one of our students, Teagan, playing the the goat.  It was pretty cute.

Permission to Rest

BEFORE STAGING

AFTER STAGING

HI all, I hope you had a fabulous week!  I finally got all the updates done and got the condo listed.  It looks amazing!  I wanted to experience professional staging and let me tell you, it was worth every penny. So now I wait.  (This is a lot like the video I did earlier on the space between). How do we mark time when we are waiting for something, in this case, to find out who will buy my condo and how fast it will sell?  Because for all my plans, I’m not going anywhere until that condo sells and I can wrap up all the paperwork.  That’s partially why I haven’t made a final decision on where I’m going to go first. I am optimistic that it will sell quickly but I’m also not counting my chickens before they hatch.  It’s definitely something I have to be mindful of, not just making use of this time wisely, but enjoying it, even though I am in suspense about the sale.  I am trusting in the universe and not worrying about it.  Saturday I did some running around and was thinking that I should visit my storage unit on Sunday and make some more progress in cleaning it out.  But as I thought that, my body responded by feeling exhausted.  So I thought about it and realized that I haven’t taken a whole day off since I started this thing.  I’ve been packing every day, making arrangements, seeing clients, running my business, moving, etc etc.  So I decided Sunday I wasn’t going to leave the house, I was going to sleep in and relax.  Not just part of the day.  ALL day.  And it felt really good!  Now, for those of you who know me, you know that I am always busy, always doing something.  I can sit still for about 30 seconds before I have to do something.  So when I contemplated going to the storage unit and felt so exhausted, it scared me.  I thought, what if I never feel like working again?  What if I never get my energy back again?  I know that’s silly and that I just need to rest, but nevertheless I still felt that way.  Do you ever get that way?  Do you push yourself through exhaustion because you fear losing momentum?  Do you feel like if you take a break it means you are lazy?  Can you give yourself permission to do nothing, accomplish nothing, and just rest?  It’s not easy, but I think it’s very important. 

New Eyes

So last week has been a huge push to get my condo painted and all the little loose ends tied up so we can list it, which we are going to do this week, probably Friday.  For a couple of days I was getting stressed about the details, and of course the suspense of not knowing exactly when it will sell and to whom.  So after being woken up with a migraine one morning at 4am I decided to take a step back and see what I was doing, which was getting wrapped up and losing my perspective.  Saturday after my weekly Tai Chi class, I went to Crepeville, a handy little restaurant one block from my condo, and treated myself to a nice leisurely breakfast.  As I was walking back, it dawned on me that this is my last weekend in Midtown, at least before my condo is staged and on the market.  This is the last weekend that I will have walking access to all these restaurants and shops that I have come to love and depend upon in the last eight years.  So I slowed down and really looked at everything with new eyes and savored all the sights.  When I got back to my condo, I did all the chores and projects with gratitude, as an expression of love for this place that has been such a blessing in my life.  What a change!  No more headaches.  It’s amazing what perspective will do, and how our body is so good at communicating what we need to hear, if only we slow down and listen to it.  

The more hopeful my future is, the less I find I desire to hold on to my past

My new digs for the next few weeks

So this week I officially moved out of my house and am on to the next phase of my journey which is essentially living out of a suitcase.  I have gotten my wardrobe down to the basics, and now I’m trying it out to see where I can cut even more.  I’m spending all my free time in my condo to finish up all the fixes to get it ready for market.  The plan is to list it right after Labor Day.  As I have been going through my stuff (and getting less and less patient and just wanting to make it all disappear, yes, even me!) I have been really evaluating what I have kept and why.  The traits that make me a good organizer also cause me to keep multiple copies of things just in case.  In case of what?  One great example is pictures.  I was going through pictures on my computer and realized that maybe one out of 20 was really great and the rest were just there for what?  Context?  So I went through and picked out the outstanding ones and deleted the rest.  How many pictures do I need?  Is is sufficient to just have a few outstanding pictures of someone I love and not 200?  As the world moves more into the digital age and information is available more readily on the internet, I find that I am holding on to things far less.  Also, the more hopeful my future is, the less I find I desire to hold on to the past.  That was a big epiphany for me.  I held on to a lot of things from my parents and grandparents, who are all deceased, because that’s what I was taught to do and at the time, it was comforting.  But now that they have been gone for many years I find that I hold the memory of them in my mind and I don’t need all these physical reminders of them.  I still have things I inherited and pictures, don’t get me wrong, but not nearly as many.  But I am glad I took the time to surround myself with those things to help with my grieving.  I believe that our spirit knows when it is ready to let go of stuff, and even though we get impatient, it is important to give ourselves space and grace for healing, adjusting, and spiritual growth.  Even exciting spiritual growth like starting a fresh new life!  

So what’s next?  More wrapping up of details here in Sacramento.  I know you are all curious as to where I am going to go, and I do have some ideas I am looking into, but have not made up my mind.  I will let you know as soon as I find out!  

Change happens, whether you engineer it or it happens to you. Either way change is guaranteed.

After this experience I am even more ready to simplify!  All the stuff, multiples of everything so that there is one in each room, all the furniture I had to house all the stuff I never touched!  All I can think about is, I don’t need this much space and I don’t want to do this much work to maintain it!  

I have gotten rid of two loads of furniture and I have professional movers coming in the morning to take the rest either to my storage unit or my sister’s house.  My sister has a big family so they are graciously finding homes for a lot of my furniture, which is a big help.  I am storing a few things because I have no idea where on the spectrum I am going to end up.  I may very well wind up with some sort of house that I can put furniture in and if that’s the case I have a few pieces I would like to keep.  

Even with that in mind, I am sure that after my journey my perspective will have changed so much I will have different feelings about what I want to keep.  I have a suspicion it will be a lot less than I am keeping now.  But I think it’s important to go through the process.  I was having a conversation with friends today and they were tickled that I still don’t know where I am going and don’t seem to care.  It made me think.  We are so concerned about knowing every step of the way and figuring out (what we think will be) the final destination.  But that is not usually how it works, even if we think we have the answers they usually change.  All we need to know is the next step.  I also think that if we keep an open mind, different things will be revealed to us than if we insisted on sticking to some sort of plan.  I am not advocating being irresponsible; anyone who knows me knows that I cover all my bases.  But that is different than thinking I have to know the end before I even begin.  It is very freeing to know that as I move through this journey I will learn things I never imagined and that will inform my next steps.  

It's going to be extraordinary!

Excerpt from "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" as they are on the bus in India for the first time:

          EVELYN

          D'you think we're going to be

          alright?

          GRAHAM

          God, don't ask me. I'm more

          scared than you are.

          (They both smile, sit in silence for a bit)

          GRAHAM (CONT'D)

          Yes. I think it's going to be

          extraordinary.

I was watching this movie again tonight as a sort of inspiration for my upcoming trip and this line struck me.  I have had a lot of different reactions from people when they hear about my plans, from excited to shocked, from telling me they wished they could go to trying to talk me out of it.  So let me tell you how I’m really feeling.  When I made the decision to go, I knew in my heart it was the right decision and I was very excited.  Then, as packing went on and I tried to imagine what items I would want and which I wouldn’t, I started to wonder.  What will it be like?  Where will I go?  There was one night that I got a little impatient with packing and wished it were done already.  But in that same moment I realized, sitting in my beautifully decorated bedroom that has been my sanctuary these last eight years, I need to be in this moment.  Before I know it, the packing will be done, the condo will be sold, and I will never see it again.  So don’t wish it away.  Thoroughly enjoy every minute of the process and don’t worry about how long it’s taking.  It will be done soon enough, and I will be on to the next thing.  I have never been overly attached to places, so moving is not too difficult for me. I will miss this place, but I come full circle to why I made the decision to do this in the first place and I still know in my heart that it is the right decision.  It’s surreal, packing up everything that represents the first 36 years of my life, trying to imagine what it will be like living out of a suitcase.  It makes me look at the world differently.  I have practiced zen focus and being in the present moment, but I believe that this decision is causing me to be even more present and slow down even my everyday movements.  

The packing of the “stuff,” the items, is almost done and I am moving into making arrangements for the furniture and cleaning the condo to get it ready for market.  There are lots of little details to work out but I am making nice progress and things are going smoothly.  Until next week!  

I'm moving!!!

You may have heard through the grapevine that I have recently made an announcement!  I am making a big lifestyle change.  So many people are surprised and curious, I thought I would tell you the story behind this decision.  

I started down this path when I quit my corporate job and opened my own business in April of 2012.  The first two years were spent understanding how to run a business, getting all the proper licenses and insurance, and working out the details of my business.  Towards the end of the second year one of my clients who had become a friend had been to so many Tony Robbins UPW events that she ended up joining his team.  She started Skype coaching clients all over the world and having a blast!  It sounded amazing to me and opened up a whole new world.  I signed up with a Tony Robbins master coach and did a six month program with her.  

Having read all these self help books and business development books, I was noticing that many of them said that I needed to get a clear, specific vision about what I wanted.  Until that time I had no idea.  I had general ideas, I wanted to be happy, I wanted schedule freedom, I wanted to help people, and I wanted to make enough money to live comfortably. But nothing really specific about exactly what that looked like.  Once I learned about online coaching however, the vision started to come together.  

I realized that moving my business online would give me a lot more freedom and flexibility.  I absolutely love working with clients one on one in their homes, but it is physically demanding and I didn’t want to limit my options in case I couldn’t or didn’t want to work that way any more.  So towards the end of year two I started looking into online options and expanding my social media profile.  

During this time, working on developing my specific vision for my life and business, I had been toying with the idea of someday doing more conservation work and getting back into nature.  I am exactly 50% city girl and 50% country girl.  I love the city, being close to everything, and the variety of people you meet.  But I was raised in a country setting with animals and gardens and nature and part of me misses that.  So I was thinking, maybe in five to ten years I would buy a house with more land so I could garden or something.  

A few things happened that sped up my timeline. In June I took a business trip to Scottsdale for a mastermind with my marketing coach.  That trip changed my life in many ways, none of them what I expected (is a life change ever expected?)  The trip was more expensive than I had thought it was going to be, so I wound up charging a credit card I had just managed to pay off.  Also, we spent a lot of time discussing lifestyle.  I came home and realized that I already had been living the lifestyle we had been discussing and that I was ready for the next step.  I was ready to get out of debt and stay out of debt.  Also, as I was pondering debt and money, I was sitting in my beautiful condo in Midtown Sacramento which I have thoroughly enjoyed thinking, I don’t need this much space!  

Next I read the book “Everything That Remains: A Memoir by The Minimalists” by Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus.  It is a beautifully written book describing how the author quit his corporate job and got rid of most of his possessions and now lives a minimalist life.  I thought it was great but told myself I wasn’t a minimalist.  Then I read “Rich Dad Poor Dad” by Robert T. Kiyosaki and became even more determined to get and stay out of debt.  

After that it kind of snowballed.  It was a few days before I came to the conclusion that I was going to take that trip now instead of five to ten years from now.  

So what does this mean?  What is my plan?  I don’t really have a specific plan as of yet.  Since I am spatially oriented and an organizer, I started with my condo.  I have spent the last week going through all my stuff systematically, deciding on what to keep and what to get rid of.  It’s been a fascinating process.  I take my clients through this process, so it is interesting to go through it myself.  Probably by the end of this week I should be ready to put the condo on the market and decided where I want to go.  I am going to spend some time (a few months perhaps) exploring, visiting various organic farms and eco-friendly housing communities.  I have a general idea that I want to live somewhere in a temperate climate, grow some or all of my own food, maybe have some small livestock, and generally live off grid and reduce my cost of living drastically.  I don’t know how much of that will survive my research or where I will end up.  So I am going to keep blogging about it and if you like, you can come on my journey with me!  I know it’s going to be an adventure and I can’t wait!  

Tips for putting shoes away with help from Chutney the service dog!